Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
