he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
