she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
