i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
