i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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