I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
