Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
