Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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