I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
