Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
