So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
