i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
