is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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