i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
