I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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