im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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