How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
