for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
a search helicopter?!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
