So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
