I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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