Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
