is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
