I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
