I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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