so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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