turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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