i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
