youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Randomize
