Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
