Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
