we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
