Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
