How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
