I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
