I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
