you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
