You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
