I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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