I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
