i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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