We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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