Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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