Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
