I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who died my cat blue again?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
