Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
