I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
