she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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