So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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