come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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