also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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